As I mentioned, my friend Dave and I discuss box office grosses a lot (he predicts The Brave One in first with $16-19 Million, by the way). Yesterday we pondered an interesting trivia question:
What are the top ten original movies of all time?
That is to say, films with no sequels, prequels, spinoffs, or anything. After further thought, I decided that future sequels also disqualify a film (sorry Transformers), as well as direct-to-DVD sequels/etc. (no dice, Lion King!).
Seeing as the all time box office lists are peppered with numerous trilogies, and even films normally thought of as singular have knockoff sequels (Jaws III: The Revenge is a good example), we had a lot of trouble thinking of the whole list.
Boxofficemojo, of course, held the key. Here's the list. Grosses are worldwide.
10 (Actual Rank 40). Night At The Museum $573.4 million
It was amazing to me that I had to scroll down to number 40 to find the tenth highest member of this apparently exclusive club.
And to top it off, it's a hammy children's movie that I didn't even care to see. It's probably because Ben Stiller's career has been the cinematic equivalent of pancakes at this point, which in the words of the late great Mitch Hedberg are "all exciting at first, but by the end you're f*cking sick of 'em!"
9 (38). War of the Worlds $591.7 m
This is the Spielberg remake from last summer, not the campy Rod Taylor version. I wondered about remakes, but I figured they didn't represent the same production company or filmmaker willingly going back to the well for more cash- they just represent the collective creative exhaustion that causes everyone to remake everything these days.
8 (36). The Passion of the Christ $611.9 m
Meh. Didn't see it. But since when is it "The" Christ? Isn't that his last name?
7 (34). The Incredibles $631.4 m
6(30). The Sixth Sense $672.8 m
Will M. Night Shyamalan ever reach these lofty heights again? Will there be a Seventh Sense: He's Still Dead and Stuff? Or maybe this movie?
5(29). Forrest Gump $677.4 m
The DaVinci Code was going to be on here, but they're making a prequel to that. So here's your requisite Tom Hanks movie.
4(20). E. T. $792.7
Here's one everybody can get behind. But with the superfluous new Indiana Jones sequel, it may not be long before Spielberg loses it entirely. In the words of Zach Galifianakis: "I'm writing a screenplay. It's called Schindler's List 2: Let's Get This Party Started!"
3(18). Independence Day $817.0 m
2(15). Finding Nemo $871.4 m
A confession: I nearly cried when he found Nemo. Just thought you should know who you're dealing with.
1(1). Titanic $1,845.0 m
Saw this one coming. But who knows what the future may hold...
See you tomorrow, with my overdue review for 3:10 to Yuma.
4 comments:
"A Night at the Museum" is getting a sequel too. It's going to be called, "A Night at the Museum 2: Ben Stiller's Ploy to Demand that the Sequel Be More Funny, But - In Actuality - Ends with Him Just Getting Peed by an Elephant."
My favorite actual ridiculous sequel name so far is
National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets
Which will probably be followed by:
National Treasure 3: Hidden Tome of Mysteriousness
and
National Treasure 4: Completely Secret Code or Something Totally Buried in a Cave Somewhere
okay, now I really want National Treasure 2 to be about this book.
also, I really hate lists that depend on how many dollars a movie made, because they're rendered meaningless by inflation. therefore, this list tells us nothing.
Okay, this is the top ten adjusted for inflation:
"Gone With the Wind" (they made a tv movie of "Scarlett" but it was like fifty years later, so it doesn't count for me)
"The Sound of Music"
"ET"
"The Ten Commandments"
"Doctor Zhivago"
"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"
"Ben-Hur"
"The Sting"
"The Graduate" ("Rumor Has It" doesn't count either)
"Fantasia"
And my number ten is wrong, anyway, because as Dave implies they are making "Another Night at the Museum" Dammit.
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