Whither Dane Cook?

Dane Cook. Even just seeing his name in print is annoying now.

I used to be a big fan. My friend Kyle burned me “Harmful If Swallowed,” Cook’s first album, a couple years ago and I was suitably impressed. Then the phenomenon that was his “Retaliation” album swept me up- I friended Dane Cook on Myspace, I bought “Retaliation” in a store, and I actually watched Jay Leno (ugh) to catch a Dane Cook appearance.

But then, his movie career happened.

Dane Cook’s mass appeal is mostly due to the fact that he’s onstage saying ridiculous things, and putting on a pretty ridiculous, overexcited frat boy persona, but you always get the feeling that he’s in on it- it’s funny because he’s only joking. Like when the wiseasses from my generation use old slang like "that's the cat's pajamas!" ironically. It wouldn't be funny if we really meant it.

One of the funniest bits from “Retalition” is a joke where Cook says that to spice up a party, you should defecate on the coats in the bedroom, if only for the moment when someone finally notices and comes in to say “Someone sh*t on the coats!” But then not only did Cook’s “Tourgasm” tv series identify him as the kind of person who actually does sh*t on random things, he started to choose movie roles that also appealed to the most lowbrow, unimaginative senses of humor, without acknowledging how ridiculous they are, like his stage act does.

So to clarify the difference here, there’s raunchiness with real intelligence behind it (think Apatow movies), and then there’s just plain stupidity. Dane Cook became famous for the former, and now it just seems like he’s cashing in his movie career for the latter.

And I’m sorry, but he’s really had no better offers? Here’s Cook’s post-“Retaliation” film career: one good, crazy-Belushi-type-role for him (Waiting), one film directed by someone who wrote Sorority Boys that co-starred Jessica Simpson (Employee of the Month), a movie with Kevin Costner in it (Mr. Brooks)- never a good idea, and Good Luck Chuck, which is helmed by Brett Ratner protégé Mark Helfrich. Yeah, that’s right. I used the phrase “Brett Rattner protégé.” That’s never a good sign.

His next movie is Dan in Real Life, which costars Steve Carell is directed by someone who’s actually reputable, Peter Hedges of Pieces of April fame. So I’m definitely waiting for Rotten Tomatoes on that one with a glimmer of hope (though the Trailer Voice Guy freaking kills me in this trailer for it). And the good news for Dane Cook is that studio executives don’t seem to realize how sick people are of him, so he’ll get plenty of more chances before he fades into obscurity.

In fact, imdb.com lists him as the lead in the new Howard Deutch movie! Who’s Howard Deutch, you ask? He’s only the director of Grumpier Old Men, The Odd Couple II, and The Whole Ten Yards! So look forward to the annoying tv spots for that crappy Dane Cook movie next year.