The Fly-Over States

I live in Milwaukee. In high school, I was all "I can't wait till I blow this one horse town!" But now, I'm so fond of it and used to its Portland-like, laid back rhythms that anytime I make the hour drive to Chicago, I freak the hell out: narrow streets, taxicabs that look like police-cars, hot dog vendors! My god, man, no one can live at that speed!

So unless I want to finally make it to see In the Valley of Elah, or force myself to see something I don't give a rat's ass about, I have no movies to see right now. What about Friday, you ask? Well, I haven't seen Elizabeth, so I'm not going to pay money for Elizabeth With a Vengeance*, and I'm not seeing The Seeker, because I'm not a proponent of ruining beloved books. And if you think I'm even considering seeing The Heartbreak Kid, obviously you just found this webpage by Googling that title.

(That reminds me- I liked There's Something About Mary okay and all, but aren't the Farrelys a little bummed that they've had not one other movie worth mentioning in previews since then? That was nine years ago, people. Nine. That's like calling Steven Soderbergh "the director of Out of Sight." Great film, but he's had a little bit of success since.)

So I have to wait until the 12th for anything I'm excited about. But here's my point- Michael Clayton (Clooney! Gilroy! Wilkinson! The androgynous villainy of Tilda Swinton!) is opening in 15 theaters on Friday as well. But how many of those fifteen aren't on one coast or the other? One. Just one AMC, in Chicago. If you don't believe me, look at that lonely red triangle on this imdb map.

What gives? Would it kill people to send one print out to other major cities with an arts scene? And what's with the low theater roll-out anyway? In LA, there are people who this weekend can go see The Darjeeling Limited, Lust, Caution, Michael Clayton, Across the Universe, or The Assassination of Jesse James, but will probably choose to stay home and pick their noses (or see The Heartbreak Kid and pick their noses. Zing!).

I'd love to see any of those films, but I'm stuck waiting another week and a half for most of them, and an additional week for Darjeeling. Such is life in the Midwest, I suppose.


* turns out the new Elizabeth is actually on the 12th as well. The third wide release this Friday? The Jennifer Lopez-produced Feel the Noise. I can't even make fun of this one. The trailer does it all for me.