2007's Bottom Five Film's- Duncan

This list was even harder to fill out than the top 20, because perhaps to justify to myself spending so much money on movies, I rarely walk out of the theater thinking something was just downright bad.

So these are the five most disappointing movies I saw in 2007- that's not to say they didn't have redeeming qualities, or good intentions, but it the end they just couldn't pull it off. I can see why some critics would harsh on Bee Movie or Beowulf, for example, but I can't imagine expecting more than I got in either case. So all five of these are "Bad Movies That Had the Potential to Be Good," to varying degrees.

5. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (my review)

Some movies are twenty minutes too long, some half an hour, and usually it's forgivable in the face of good acting, beautiful cinematography, and a compelling story. But an entire excess hour really saddled down AJJCRF until it just became too much.

I'm eventually buying this and editing my own version on Windows Movie Maker or something- is that possible- and then I'll have a masterpiece.


4. The Golden Compass (my review)

Oh, book to film adaptations. Will you ever work? The previous entry had too much of the book that inspired it, but The Golden Compass had too little of its source material. Plus they got caught in that interminable family film limbo and watered down most of the parts of the book that were actually, you know, interesting.

3. Lust, Caution (my review)

Boring. Unnecessarily sensational. Overly mannered. Too much Mah-Jong. I'm already bored writing about this again.

2. Sunshine (me ranking it dead last on the summer countdown)

So close! Much like I Am Legend, it completely falls apart in a third act finale that's implausible, hackneyed, and gross. I wasn't sure if it made it worse or better (or higher or lower on this list) because the first two acts were so well executed.

The difference of course- I wasn't too surprised when I Am Legend fell apart, because Francis Lawrence is not Danny Boyle.


1. Before the Devil Know's You're Dead (me calling it the most overrated film of the year)

At least Rotten Tomatoes for Sunshine was a tentative 60% among the "top critics" (i. e. the more legimate than this blog could ever be critics), trying to warn me that it falls apart eventually. Those same critics were agog to the tune of 92% for Sidney Lumet's miseryfest of botched robberies and angrily slammed phones.

It just seems ultimately pointless- Really, movie? Robbing your parents jewelry store is a bad idea? I had no idea that betraying your family in a desperate attempt to skip the country before being investigated for tax fraud would go wrong. Thanks for the life lesson.

Also it completely wasted one of the coolest titles of the year, which is the real tragedy. I was stoked when the words "May you be in Heaven half an hour..." appeared on the screen, and then the title came in to complete it, but it was all downhill from there.

The Golden Compass Review

Well, my semester is 87/88ths done, so I can return for a moment to the blogosphere. Kudos to Dave for sending us on the holiday track with a Christmas movie feature that kicked the hell out of my half-assed Halloween themed one.

Last week at some point (it's a bit hazy) I saw Chris Weitz's adaptation of The Golden Compass, about a week after I'd read the book- not such a great idea, it turns out, since the book almost always wins in that scenario. It's stunning to behold, with CGI armored polar bears and extended Lord of the Rings inspired battles, but ultimately loses the depth and darkness of Phillip Pullman's book in favor of family-friendly fuzziness.

There's been plenty of religious controversy surrounding Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, and to be honest I wasn't clear about the furor after reading the first book- it's the next two which make the whole revisionist Paradise Lost theme explicit. The Golden Compass the film, however, one-ups the book to piss off the church, in a way- instead of morally ambiguous hero-figures and no clear nemesis, the film invents some black-clad, deep voiced evil "Magisterium" members to look menacing (played by the always menacing Derek Jacobi and Christopher Lee's evil voice (featuring Christopher Lee!)). In the books, the Magisterium is indeed a shady branch of the church, but it isn't directly seen being evil until book three.

It's not that any changes from book to film are bad- they're pretty much inevitable, unless you're the Coen brothers. But there are some major ones here that are inexplicable, like moving a chunk of the ending to the next film for no good reason, and minor ones that just keep adding up until you feel like they've missed the point. It has a lot to do with New Line Cinema, I suspect, trying to protect their $180 million dollar investment and make it safe for the whole family. This makes me doubt the next two films will ever be made, because what do kids care about John Milton?

And I'm not sure if New Line understands that you can't replicate Lord of the Rings success just by making other things look similar. But you can practically hear the executives making little "cha-ching" noises behind the scenes in this trailer, when the One Ring transmorphs into our titular Golden Compass. The movie even starts with a similar exposition-y voice-over from witch Eva Green, explaining exactly what's important and what we need to know.

And I'm not saying the Cate Blanchett monologue from Fellowship doesn't do the same, but at least she's actually telling a story about Isildur, Sauron, and the like. Eva Green is basically just listing things that will be important later: Hey, people in this world have animals called daemons that are their souls, isn't that crazy? Also, there's this sentient stuff called Dust, watch out for that later! Plus there are these golden things that sort of resemble compasses which are totally going to be important (not that the title wouldn't have tipped you off).

It's a bit too condescending. What am I, ten? And even though this film might be aimed at the younger set, I bet there are even some ten-year-olds saying "What am I, four?"

All that being said, it was still fun to see some of Pullman's ideas depicted on the screen (like the Polar Bear fight, and the daemons themselves), and this movie also had Sam Eliot at his Sam Eliotiest, which is always cool (Actually, if he had done the opening monologue in the voice of The Stranger I would have loved it). So it's only downgraded by the relative awesomeness of Pullman's trilogy, which would've been hard to match anyway (or at least to secure $180 million for).

When to See It: On DVD

Leftover thoughts:

• Kidman and Daniel Craig are actually really good, and well cast for their roles, but don't have much screen time because of the ending shift.
• Dakota Blue Richards was awesome, but even she couldn't sell the Pollyanna-ish monologue she was given at the film's abbreviated closing- it just wasn't Lyra to me.
• There was one scene the film had that the book didn't that was pretty cool: a short bit where Kidman slaps her own monkey daemon. Otherwise The Golden Compass was pretty light on deft character touches like that one.
• If you haven't read the books, you should. End of story. I finished The Amber Spyglass last week and I am mesmerized still.
  

Fall Movie Preview

Apologies for the hiatus in posting- my girlfriend’s little brother was killed in a car wreck. Yeah. It makes movies seem less important, obviously, but then again we did go see Shoot ‘Em Up to distract ourselves. And it worked.

So here are the movies this fall that I’m most excited about, one per month:

September: Eastern Promises

This one will have a review soon. Because what’s not to like? It has Aragorn (though if I ever met Viggo Mortensen I would say “I loved you in G. I. Jane!” just for the awkwardness), Naomi Watts, David Cronenberg, the guy that wrote Dirty Pretty Things, and Vincent Cassel.

The runner up for September is probably The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand, or whatever it’s called, now that’s it’s getting good reviews (or at least Terrence Mallick comparisons, which is enough for me). But that’s assuming that it actually comes to Milwaukee before September’s over.

October: The Darjeeling Limited

If you don’t like Wes Anderson movies, at this point that’s mostly your problem. For me, Bottle Rocket was one of the first movies I watched over and over and went to see at midnight (also it holds a special place in my heart because I used to watch it with my mom on the IFC channel), and the scene at the end of The Life Aquatic (Spolier Alert) when Steve sees the Jaguar Shark and wonders aloud “Do you think he remembers me?” gets me teary-eyed every time. I even wrote a college paper about The Life Aquatic. I got an A on it.

So of course I’m stoked for this movie. But I guess Wes Anderson is a taste that is for some reason difficult for other people (and critics) to acquire.

October’s runner up is probably Michael Clayton, because Clooney’s dependable enough. We Own the Night is out pending critical reception, and regarding Things We Lost in the Fire I’m torn between my hatred for Halle Berry (see X-Men 3: The Last Stand), and my respect for director Susanne Bier’s previous film, After the Wedding.

November: American Gangster

Come on, people. Watch the trailer. Everyone is stoked for this movie. Even Jay-Z was inspired. I’d also like to point out the expert use of music in both this trailer and The Darjeeling Limited’s trailer, above. Really makes all the difference.

November’s runner up is a tie, as my love for both the Coen brothers and Neil Gaiman is enriched by No Country For Old Men and Beowulf, respectively.

December: The Golden Compass

This is pretty much by default. I mean, I was gonna try and look cool and say I was really excited about Francis Ford Coppola’s new film Youth Without Youth until I realized I don’t really give a crap about Apocalypse Now or even (gasp!) the Godfather films. And if I ever own a Francis Ford Coppola film, it’ll probably be to get my girlfriend Peggy Sue Got Married.

But I like fantasy epics, and Daniel Craig, so I’m in line for this one. For a runner up, I’ll go with Clooney again, as his third directorial feature, Leatherheads, comes out. I’m not terribly sold on the premise, or old-timey football in general, but I really liked The Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Good Night and Good Luck, so I’m optimistic.