Summer Movie Recap, Part II (16-9)

Part I / Part II / Part III

The Jan Brady section of the movies I saw this summer,
following yesterday’s Part I.

The $300 Million Budget Club

16. Spiderman 3 (imdb) (official site)

15. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (imdb) (off.)

A tough call between the two ridiculously inflated giants of May. Ultimately the return of Geoffrey Rush breaks the tie, as well as the borderline Days of Our Lives moments happening near the end of Spidey 3.

Sam Raimi’s reportedly well over-budget and rushed into theaters third installment walked a careful line between self-parody and idiocy for its entire run-time, before the infamous “butler scene” pushed it well over, if goofy dancing Peter Parker hadn’t already done that for you. One crazed fan even attempts to edit out the butler scene on YouTube.

I was braced, once again, for a much worse film when I went to see Spiderman 3, because of the way the trailers implied that they were retconning Spiderman’s origin story (“We’ve found your uncle’s real killer!”), so I was pleasantly surprised that it turned out not as soul-killing as Brett Ratner’s X-Men: The Last Stand Moreau-creature of a film.

Strangely enough, I own the first two Pirates movies, but not the Spidermen (probably because of their ubiquity on TNT and TBS). Thus, Johnny Depp and co. get the coveted “number fifteen on a list no one cares about” spot.

The Captain Malcolm Reynolds Special Award

14. Waitress (imdb) (off.)

Nathan Fillion is one of my favorite actors, for what should be obvious reasons, so in my crazy brain- and probably the brains of more than a few other fans- I had the irrational hope that if I saw this movie, Universal would greenlight a Serenity sequel (plus my girlfriend wanted to see it). No luck so far.

But it was a decent film, and it had a lot of goodwill brewing from the director’s untimely and tragic death. But ultimately it was a little too “Yep, we’s pretty darn Southern ‘round here, ain’t we?!” for me to take it quite seriously.

The “Maybe for $9.99 at Best Buy” Section

13. Ocean’s Thirteen (imdb) (off.)

I own the other two, because I’m a sucker for Soderbergh (that should be a bumper sticker). And a taught, actual-gambling-focused script from the Rounders guys keeps the series fresh.

12. Becoming Jane (imdb) (off.)

Last year, anyone with a frivolous, shopping-oriented girlfriend had the perfect birthday/Christmas present movie starring Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada.

This year, anyone with a sensitive, literate, and thoughtful girlfriend (like me) has an ideal gift movie starring Anne Hathaway in the low-key Becoming Jane. It’s a little sleepy, but so are Jane Austen novels, and James McAvoy (who, if my girlfriend ever meets in person, she will probably accidentally address as “Mr. Tumnus.”) puts in a very solid supporting role.

The Supreme Quotability Honorable Mention

11. Superbad (imdb) (off.)

It’s possible that “McLovin” et al. references are already dated and annoying (much like any quote from Borat about two hours after its release), but the general King Midas touch of Judd Apatow hasn’t failed yet.

In perhaps the last appealing nerd-centric vehicle (before the glut of awful looking, Heroes and Dwight Schrute inspired fall tv shows hit and kill the phenomenon), Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, and the other guy (Christopher Mintz-Pease, but no one will remember that in two weeks. Sorry, walk-on.) bring back the 80’s wild and crazy night genre for one last hurrah.

The Helping Me Be More Pretentious Foreign Film Designation

10. After the Wedding (Efter Brylluppet) (imdb) (off.)

I know, I know, this came out last year, and it’s Danish. But after losing out on the Best Foreign Language Osacr in February, it finally came here to Milwaukee in late May, which makes it a technical addition to the ‘movies I saw this summer’ umbrella.

And also, it’s not to be missed. Le Chiffre from Casino Royale (Mads Mikkelsen) puts in such a nuanced performance here, you wish that they’d written his stiff villain role with far more complexity. But I suppose Bond villains aren’t largely known for emotional depth.

This is a film with a borderline-ludicrous plot that is mystifyingly brought completely back to earth by the performances.

9. Molière (imdb) (off.)

A foreign, fictionalized take on the great satirist’s life that I expected to be passable, but found surprisingly moving. The film’s star, Romain Duris, does fairly well, but a powerful performance by Italian actress Laura Morante(right) puts Molière over the top.

It’s not often that someone can move me through the veil of subtitles, but she was that good.

A more than worthy addition to the fictionalized-author biopic subgenre (i.e. Shakespeare in Love, naturally, and Becoming Jane above).

That’s it for today. Stayed tuned tomorrow for the veritable caviar on a fancy plate of the summer in Part III (8-1).

Summer Movie Recap, Part I (23-17)

Part I / Part II / Part III

I see a lot of movies. From May through August this year, during the record breaking, four billion plus blockbuster season, I saw 23 films in 18 weeks. Without any further nonsense, this is where they rank from best to worst, although with one exception, I didn’t see anything I’d consider a ‘bad’ movie. So really it’s from just okay to best, or from semi-forgettable to brilliant.

The Lohan Memorial Award

23. Sunshine (imdb) (off.)

This is the new name for the worst movie I see each summer. And while I didn’t see either Georgia Rule or I Know Who Killed Me, I feel I suffered an equal, if not worse disappointment when the first two thirds of Danny Boyle’s space odyssey, which were stark and beautiful, essentially devolved into a seventies B-movie.

I have an extended, spoiler-tastic rant about how mad this movie made me here, if you’ve seen it or don’t mind knowing the ending.

The “Meh” Division

22. 1408 (imdb) (off.)

This is one of the only candidates for “sleeper hit of the summer,” as it made a quiet $82 million (bom), while garnering positive reviews for being “fresh” and “original.” Personally, I think it got a little too much credit simply for avoiding crappy genre tropes like small, horrifying Asian children and staying clear of the whole “torture-porn” pandemic.

Stephen King for some reason finds everyday objects very terrifying, and does manage to fill a hotel room with malevolence, but eventually the escalating scares start to lose any sort of consistent logic. I know that might be asking a lot from a horror movie, but unless your film's reality is completely David Lynch-ified, you have to have a satisfying explanation to get to your happy ending.

So 1408 is the first of a few films that were entertaining enough, but left me just sort of shrugging.

21. Day Watch (Dnevnoy Dozor) (imdb) (off.)

If you’ve seen the first film in this Russian-Matrix-on-Ritalin trilogy, Night Watch, then you know that they put “logical consistency” in the trunk of a car, drive that car off a cliff while diving out, and then shoot at it while it’s sinking.

A pretty standard Good Versus Evil, Light Versus Dark, Gumby Versus Blockheads sort of scenario gets bogged down by incredibly fluid rules about superpowers, non-Lost “Others,” vampires, werewolves, etc. And it’s paced too fast to even remember most of the characters names.

That being said, there are some cool visuals, and its interest to me was mainly as a cultural artifact, since it made a record $31 million in Russia (bom).

20. Shrek the Third (imdb) (off.)

I don’t even really have the effort to write about this one. It was okay, we all know what to expect, there will inexplicably be two more of these, Justin Timberlake is wholly unnecessary, blah blah blah.

The “Watch It On TBS If I’m Bored” Finalists

19. Transformers (imdb) (off.)

I was never really into Transformers as a kid (I was a TMNT guy, and I still am), so I wasn’t upset with any changes they may have made. And really, with Michael Bay involved, I was braced for the worst and relieved to find only general mediocrity.

What I later found hilarious was this music video by the Goo Goo Dolls, which paints the Shia LaBeouf/Megan Fox love story as some sort of passionate, timeless epic.

Let me tell you, the thrown in, badly acted, and cheesily written romance angle in Transformers is not even worth the Goo Goo Dolls guy getting worked up over in his generic way. Also Megan Fox was a worse actor than Bumblebee, and he was a CGI-rendered transforming Camaro that had no voice.

18. The Simpsons Movie (imdb) (off.)

The forerunner for this category before I ever saw it, since a major boredom killing activity for much of my life has been watching The Simpsons in syndication.

17. Death at a Funeral (imdb) (off.)

This was a fun movie to watch, but ultimately a little formulaic to ever need to see it again. Mostly I saw it for the immutable talents of both Peter Dinklage, who must be lonely as the only reputable little person actor with dignity, and Alan Tudyk, the first of two Serenity cameos that compelled me to see a movie this summer, as you’ll read tomorrow.

Part II, Numbers 16-9 are tomorrow, and the top eight the day after that. But while we’re here, these are movies I missed that I’ll have to catch on DVD later, otherwise known as Movies Not Appearing On This List: Paprika (so mad about this one), The Golden Door, Live Free or Die Hard (just never made it. One of those things), and Paris, Je T’aime.

And movies my girlfriend wanted to see, but I wasn’t enthusiastic about so we didn’t end up going: My Best Friend and Hairspray.